Hemorrhoids Hemorrhoids

oh what curse is this infernal itch
that scratching can only temporary relieve.
strain to pass a stool
the action of a fool

what pain I have brought upon thyself
what agonies cause me to search the medicine shelf
Hemorrhoids Hemorrhoids so bad they named them twice
no cream or cure can make them nice

thrombosed external bleeding infernal
hemorrhoids hemorrhoids
rubber ring to sit on
an itchy bum to sh*t from

Yet I am so young and beautiful
this ailment cannot be
yet it begs to remind
my mortality via an itchy behind

long I hope I have to wait
to shuffle from this mortal coil
but this pain of pains
this molten boil

this curse I wish to end
and off to heaven send
my rotten rectum
my horriblis annus

oh hemorrhoids hemorrhoids i hate thee
no cream can help nor suppository
i promise i’ll never eat fast food again
for it slows and sticks my internal bends

and burns and scratches through this fool
an rips with every crusty stool
at my bleeding rectum
hemorrhoids hemorrhoids so bad they named them twice.

Well whoever wrote this was clearly suffering a rather painful bout of hemorrhoids, I’m not sure of the artistic merit but the sentiment is certainly well conveyed! Ten out of ten for effort but for sufferers, hemorrhoid jokes are not much fun. Remember that you can use creams and suppositories that do help with symptoms and a hemorrhoid will normally clear up on its own. To avoid the dry stool that can be painful drink plenty of water and eat fiber rich foods.